A Splitting Headache: The perils of group food excursions

I just received a stressed email from a friend back in the UK. She's a hard-working school teacher, on a modest salary, with a family to support. She'd joined some professional  friends for supper, taken care to eat and drink what was within her budget (about £12) then found at the end that the group (of higher earners) decided to 'split the bill'. She thus paid £20 - blowing her budget and subsidising somebody else's dinner!

'Splitting the bill' is customary in the UK among the middle and upper classes. And in my opinion it is one of the most ludicrous and inconsiderate customs! I know when I was earning a larger salary, I considered it a 'gracious' thing to do; and I also considered those who wanted to quibble about what they had actually consumed rather dull, uncool and 'un-gracious'. THIS IS BECAUSE I HAD NEVER IN MY LIFE KNOWN WHAT IS WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO BUDGET!

Several years later, running my own startup business, I began to realise what 'not having a freeflow of cash' meant. I found myself suddenly having to avoid certain groups socially, because I could simply not afford what might turn out to be a very expensive night (or not, depending on what others ordered). On many occasions I had tried desperately to state at the outset that I would have to just pay for myself - but inevitably this was strongly looked down upon as churlish, and in the end the powerful consensus of 'splitting it' meant I had to cough up for others' food and alcohol. (I hardly drink btw - another daft and unfair aspect to this 'split it' culture.) To blow an extra £10 seems like peanuts if you are a professional earner; but to others, it can mean you aren't able to cook and eat food for the next three days!

Previously I had simply not been able to understand at all that a lot of people DO have to meet very real financial constraints. It's a simple question of managing cash; carefully, out of necessity. And so it is mortifying when a gushing, 'gracious' group of high earners thoughtlessly prevent you from managing your own cashflow! Thoughtless high earners - please note what I have written and be more considerate!!

So, that was the UK scenario. In Singapore, it is better. I don't know if this is because of the group I hang with, but having talked to several locals and also Japanese here, it seems that particularly in Chinese culture, the individual billing thing is much more expected / accepted. In fact most restaurants are more than happy to individually bill, even for large groups of people. Some outlets even provide each diner with a paper tally of what they've eaten as it is served. On occasion a very high earner will offer to pay for the whole group. But I have not yet encountered the ridiculous 'splitting it' thing with my local friends. What a relief - and much more fair!

Paper tallies from a Japanese restaurant (crucially) in Singapore. In Japan I hear
paying can be more like the Western model. The buta shogayaki was v gd btw!

The other upside is of course, that if you eat local food (ie not in a posh aircon restaurant) the cost comes out at about SG$3-6 anyway (£1.50-3)! Singapore is a good place for nosh if you're on a budget.