Things which seem totally 'the norm' for me, are not for others. In fact some things I perceive as downright rude, but then have to realise that this is what cultural understanding is all about (especially if the protagonists are not rude people generally, or if the behaviour is common!) Cultures are, after all, not just about interesting festivals and cuisine - but a whole array of more complex things to do with value systems, perceptions, expectations and behaviours - including what is considered 'good manners'.
So since it has been party season, I thought I'd outline what we generally do and expect in the UK regarding socialising. Tbh I think the below expectations are probably fairly applicable to adults for several cultures in the West. So perhaps this post will help eliminate a few misunderstandings. Or help any non-Brits socialising in the UK! And yes, it is not only East Asian cultures which are minefields of manners for foreigners... ^^
If You're A Guest
DO- Arrive late. 15-20 minutes late is polite for a small dinner party at someone's home. It is actually rude to arrive at the time stated on the invitation! And very rude to arrive early. For large events (at a hired venue for example) even later is OK. This 'social lateness' custom is the opposite from business-related meetings, where, of course, being early is good!
- Bring a gift for the host. Usual gifts are alcohol, chocolates or maybe flowers. The host might share it with the guests, or keep it for another time.
- Decline an invitation if you need to. It is not rude to politely decline an invitation in Western cultures. As long as you give the host plenty of advance warning that you cannot go. It is actually rude to not respond, or imply you will go but not attend! If you have accepted, you should attend the event.
- Offer to help clear up before you leave at the end of the night (for a dinner party or BBQ, for example). This applies to men and women!
- Bring an extra person unexpectedly. This applies especially to smaller events. Usually the invitation will state the names of who is invited. If you have to bring an extra person, check if it is OK with the host well in advance.
- Suggest that everyone does something else that is different from the host's invitation! For example, if you've been invited to a BBQ at home, don't suggest everyone goes to a fairground down the road instead! (This has happened a couple of times in Asia!)
Birthdays: usually it's OK to just bring the chocolates, wine or flowers for a normal dinner party. If the birthday is at a bar, it is custom to buy the host a drink instead.
If You're The Host
DO - Provide enough food for everybody, and as much alcohol / drinks as you can. For events at home, hopefully the guests will bring some drinks to help out. (See above) The goal is that guests should never go hungry or thirsty!
- Ask regarding any dietary requirements in advance, if you are cooking for a dinner party. Some guests might be vegetarian, for example, or have a food allergy, or follow religions banning certain meats. If you are able to accommodate some of these, it will probably be appreciated :)
- Charge guests any fee for a private event!!! Never never never! (And this does happen with some home parties and BBQs in Asia - sometimes even without a mention of it on the invite!) The role of the host in Western cultures is to provide everything for your guests - ie hospitality. No money should ever change hands, and it is beyond rude to ask for any. Even if a costly venue has been hired, the host will cover those costs him/herself. If you cannot afford the event, don't hold one. (Or opt for a cheap / informal picnic or something instead!)
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Photo credits: 1950's dinner party - kitschycuisine.com; 1950's BBQ - Pinterest.
(Apols for dodgy layout, again. Blogger doing its usual things... :/ )
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